My First Day at Improv Class

My name's Nate, a bored computer programmer who's recently decided to try out acting. I signed up for an informal Introduction to Acting class, show up the first day, and meet my peers, all armed with theater resumes and drama degrees. The teacher pairs me up with Drew, who recently scored two lead roles, and announces my partner and I will explore the third sphere with improvisation. The third sphere? Did I miss a class? Am I in the right building?

Teacher: "Okay, let's get started. Nate, hmm. Let's say you're a cab driver. Drew, the passenger, you're upset because you guys' vehicle just got a flat tire. You're both standing on the side of a busy highway, staring at the car. Drew, your flight leaves in five minutes."

[silence]

Me: "So, like, we start now or--"
Teacher: "No, no, Nate, first find your feelings. Then find your need."
Me: "Um. My need? Did I miss a class?"
Drew: [deep breathing]
Teacher: "Shh, Drew's getting into character."

[silence]

Me: "So when I've found my feelings, what, do I raise my hand or--"
Drew: "THIS F@$!ING PIECE OF S#@T TAXI CAB! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!"
Me: "Whoa, Drew. Oh, so we're starti--"
Drew: "WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?! MY PLANE IS LEAVING IN ANY MINUTE AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE WITH YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS?!"
Me: "Oh right. The plane. Uh. Hmmmmm. Welp."

[silence]

Drew: "Maybe I can flag down another taxi here along the road."
Me: "Uh. Yeah, good idea. I'll just... hmm... I'll just stand here. And help wave."

[silence]

Drew: "They gotta be whizzing by at 70 miles per hour; there's no way any will stop."
Me: "Um. But. Hmm, yeah, you're right..."

[silence]

Drew: "This is just great. My plane's probably taking off right now. It's probably that one up in the sky."
Me: "Yeah... probably. Yeah, you're right, there's a good chance the one up in the sky is probably the one-- yeah, that really just flat out sucks."

[silence]

Drew: "And--"
Me: "You know-- oh sorry. You were going to say something?"
Drew: "Go ahead."
Me: "You know. You're supposed to leave two hours check in time
before a departure."

Teacher: "And scene. That was great Drew, way to use the third sphere."