This may just be me, but occasionally I find it more comfortable listening to fingernails scratching a chalkboard than sitting through one of my family dinners. Especially if you've just gotten back from your best friend's all-weekend bachelor party to greet your hard-of-hearing grandparents (Mom Mom and Pop Pop). Enjoy...
Pop Pop: How was the wedding?
... silence ...
Mom: Nathaniel?
Me: Huh? What? What’s going on?
Mom: Pop Pop is asking you a question.
Me: Oh, what’s that Pop Pop?
Mom Mom: Our dinner was so nice yesterday!! I wonder how much those orchids were, don’t you, Ida?
Me: Pop Pop?
Pop Pop: Heuh!
Mom: I’m sure they weren’t cheap, Loretta. POP POP, NATE WAS ASKING YOU A QUESTION...
Mom Mom: Betty got a new orchid FORTY FIVE DOLLARS CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!
Me: Mom Mom, Mom, you’re both yelling into my ears.
Pop Pop: What about my ear?
Mom Mom: No HIS EAR. He was talking about HOW I WAS YELLING INTO HIS EAR.
Me: Um, and you still are Mom Mom. Does anyone else hear a high pitch ringing?
Mom: Nathaniel, Pop Pop’s hard of hearing
Pop Pop: I can hear perfectly fine!
Dad: What kind of orchid was that, Loretta?
Mom: Al, you’re interrupting. Nate, ask your question.
Me: No, Dad can talk right now I don’t care. Wait. I had a question?
Mom: It was about the wedding...
Mom Mom: It was a Carna… a um. A Catty…
Me: I had a question about a wedding?!? I have no idea what’s going on.
Mom: DAD YOU WERE GOING TO ASK NATE ABOUT THE WEDDING?
Me: Mom, seriously. The yelling.
Dad: A Cattelya, Loretta?
Pop Pop: Whose wedding?
Me: Is it just me, or are the lights really bright in this room?
Mom Mom: A what?
Mom: The wedding Nate was at.
Dad: A Catellya.
Pop Pop: Oh. How was the wedding, Nate?
Me: It was a bachelor party, Pop Pop. It was great. Lots of fun.
Pop Pop: A what party?
Mom Mom: A cat what?
Al: A CATELLYA. IS THAT THE NAME OF THE ORCHID BETTY GOT? A *CATELLYA* LORETTA?
Mom: NO HE SAID *BACHELOR* PARTY. IT ACTUALLY ISN’T A WEDDING. DID YOU HAVE A BACHELOR PARTY BEFORE YOUR WEDDING POP POP?
Me: Oh my god.
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